🌿The Grief No One Talks About

"People talk a lot about grief, but they rarely talk about what comes after."

My Story

People often ask me what it was like losing both of my parents less than twenty-four hours apart.

The truth is...

That's not the part I struggle to describe.

It's what came after.

People bring meals.

They send flowers.

They attend the funeral.

They hug your neck and promise to pray for you.

And then, little by little, life returns to normal.

For them.

But not for you.

I remember going back to work after the memorial services and feeling like I was standing still while everyone else kept moving. Conversations continued. Calendars filled up. People talked about weekend plans, vacations, and everyday life.

Meanwhile, I was simply trying to remember how to breathe.

There were moments I'd reach for my phone because something funny had happened or I needed advice, and my first thought was, I need to call Mom.

Then, just as quickly, I'd remember.

I couldn't.

Not anymore.

Grief has a way of sneaking up on you like that.

Sometimes it's a song.

Sometimes it's a holiday.

Sometimes it's walking through the grocery store and seeing your loved one's favorite snack.

It isn't always the big moments that undo us.

Often, it's the ordinary ones.

What surprised me most was that my grief wasn't only sadness.

There was relief too.

That was hard to admit.

After watching my mom's dementia slowly steal pieces of the woman I had always known...after watching both of my parents suffer...I found comfort in knowing they were finally together again.

Whole.

Healthy.

Home.

For a long time, I felt guilty for feeling that relief.

Eventually, I realized something.

Relief doesn't mean you loved someone less.

Sometimes it's simply another expression of love.

Love that no longer wants to see someone suffer.

One of the hardest moments wasn't even my own grief.

It was watching John grieve.

He always called my mom "Pony."

The night she died, he cried.

Only once.

But that one moment said everything.

Watching someone you love experience loss often hurts just as much as carrying your own.

And somehow...

Life keeps moving.

Even when your heart doesn't feel ready to move with it.

What This Journey Has Taught Me

❤️ Grief Doesn't Follow a Timeline

People often expect grief to become easier after a few weeks or months.

The truth is, grief has its own rhythm.

Some days you'll feel strong.

Other days a memory, a song, or a familiar place will bring tears you never saw coming.

Neither day is wrong.

❤️ Relief Can Exist Alongside Sadness

This was one of the hardest lessons for me to accept.

It's possible to miss someone deeply while also feeling grateful they're no longer suffering.

Those emotions don't compete with one another.

They coexist.

And that's okay.

❤️ Give Yourself Permission to Keep Talking About Them

One of the greatest gifts someone can give a grieving person is allowing them to say their loved one's name.

Tell the stories.

Look at the pictures.

Laugh at the memories.

Love doesn't end because someone is no longer here.

❤️ Everyone Grieves Differently

My siblings grieved differently.

John grieved differently.

I grieved differently.

There isn't a right way.

There isn't a wrong way.

Comparison has no place in grief.

Give people the freedom to process loss in their own time and in their own way.

❤️ God Doesn't Waste Our Broken Places

Looking back now, I can see that God was gently carrying me through a season I never could have survived on my own.

He didn't remove the pain.

He walked with me through it.

And somehow, little by little, He began to bring beauty from the ashes.

🌱 Takeaway

Grief isn't something you get over.

It's something you learn to carry.

Over time, the weight becomes different—not because you stop loving the people you've lost, but because you learn to carry both the sorrow and the joy.

And when you allow God to walk beside you, you'll discover that even in your deepest loss, He never leaves your side.

💬 Join the Conversation

Grief looks different for everyone.

If you've experienced the loss of someone you love, I'd be honored if you'd share a memory of them in the comments.

Let's remember them together.

Sometimes healing begins simply by speaking their name.